Scared of Age

There is something about getting older that scares me. It scares me a lot. In a few weekends I'll be 18, I can still remember being anxious about turning the double digits or even 15. All of a sudden I'm scared. Life is scary, but growing up is more. There are days that I think to myself, will I ever move out on my own. I know everyone told me that after high school everything will be so much harder, but noone said it would be scary. Somehow the world outside of high school isnt so much harder, yet turning 18 is because I'll finally be an adult and that scary. Here comes the real life, responsibilties that I'm scared to face and truths of life that I wish I didnt have to accept. This is when real change happens. When all the people you thought would never leave your side start to dissapear and as much as you try to find them, you have to learn that they are gone.Your parents start getting each day older and everyday the thought of you not having them all your life becomes more of a reality. Your family as in cousins start making their own lives and seeing them everyday doesnt happen anymore.You begin to see how the real world doesnt revolve around what you wish for but what politics decide on, if they ever even do that. Your baby brothers voice starts to change and you cant believe the day where he is taller than you came. These are the little things about age that scare me. The fact that time is coming faster than I have ever imagined and its going to start to go even faster.

I've always said I would like to die young. The reason of that is because I'd rather not experience all these changes. Its okay if I dont get tosee all the new things in life, may sound selfish but true.

I think I will let God decide how long I get to live but until then I will live scared, yet keep in mind that all lifes beauties come in time.